Dirk Blackpool in Caverns of Chaos (6_10)

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Dirk Blackpool with catVillainy 101:
Mo's Rules for
Bad Guys



With Text and Illustration by


Rules on Winning and Losing:

  1. Bad Guys are always committed to their cause. Evil is something that is only done to them. Evil is never something they do to anyone else.
  2. Let the good guys think they have defeated you. The shocked looks on everyone's faces are so satisfying and a source of never-ending amusement. More than worth the two, three months of hiding and plotting.
  3. Grovel when you're caught. Put a little sincerity in your surrender. This is very rewarding to the good guys -- they ARE good, after all. They believe that anyone can change and will always give you the benefit of the doubt. Sympathy is the first step in getting them to drop their guard (see rules for good guys). Perfect for escape.
  4. Remember, bad guys always win in the beginning. Be content with that and plan your getaways with as much zeal as your other campaigns. In the end a bad guy must lose, so it is important that you live to fight the 'bad' fight again.

Miscellaneous Rule

  1. Never forget a bad guy's birthday. They are such babies when it comes to these kinds of slights. Wipe out villages...decimate armies . . . the fools should have known not to forget your birthday!

Editor's Note: Speaking of which, it was Mo the Creative One's shamefully ignored Natal Day on August 25th . . . . Be very, very afraid. *Gulp*. We now return you to your regularly scheduled lunatic.

And finally, Rule Number One:

  1. Bad guys don't want to be monsters . . . they just want to be in charge.


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