Tigger

Dirk and Vector in Unicorn of Death (1_5)

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Birthday Greetings

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1999

From: Dirk Blackpool
Subject: Birthday Greetings for Tigger

Hi.

Whips. Chains. My place. Tonight. Be there.

Judging from your expression, I'm afraid it's not quite what you're thinking. You see, my head torturer had to depart rather unexpectedly on administrative leave after I discovered he had very carelessly allowed a prisoner to escape. He's attending a motivational seminar at the moment. I find hot coals can be *very* motivating when used properly, don't you?

In the interim, then, I believe you'll do quite nicely. You do, after all, have ample experience in the flagrant infliction of gratuitous harm -- at least, judging from your computer repair history.

I'll be expecting you at seven sharp, then. Since it's your birthday, I *might* even let you borrow my spiked boots.

Bye.

Prince Dirk Blackpool

From: TTTIGERESS
Subject: Re: Birthday Greetings for Tigger

Sorry I'm late... but would love to serve YOU in what ever capacity you chose.... However, if I could ask for one little present.. those spiked boots... would you wear them for me?

HAPPILY,TIGGER

2000

From: Dirk Blackpool
Subject: Birthday Greetings for TIGGER

Hi.

TIGGER, as Vector and I have been pondering any number of ways to fund our war against Baaldorf and Greystone, I have a little proposition for you. I’d not really consider it an offer since, if you refuse, your life as you know it will probably end. Yes, I think the powder mines for you if you dare to say no, my little dominatrix.

So, to business. Seeing the trend in the entertainment field, Vector and I have decided to offer a tour of sorts. We’ll call it *Blackpool’s Dungeon Of Thrills* or perhaps *Dirk’s Dungeon Tour* or some such thing. That’s for the creative department to figure out after all. Once we’re up and rolling I’m sure the kolnas will come pouring in and the destruction of the south will be quick.

As you can imagine, I am in need of a *volunteer* to head up this program/tour. You seem to be a perfect candidate. Here is the benefit package:

You will be allowed to continue to breathe
You will enjoy a stimulating work atmosphere
A black leather uniform is standard attire
Accessories are provided

I’m sure you won’t need much convincing. Consider it a little birthday present.

Reply ASAP to:

Blackpool’s DOT/DDT
c/o Blackpool Marketing
Attn: The Wizard Vector
666 Castle Blackpool Perch
Karteia, Aperans

Oh, and TIGGER? Please stop sending those leather thingies to my P.O. Box. It’s getting rather embarrassing.

Bye.

Your esteemed Prince of Leather & All Things Evil,
Dirk Blackpool

From: TIGGER
Subject: Re: Birthday Greetings for TIGGER

Hi. TIGGER,

HIYA HANDSOME!

<<snip>>

Yes, I think the powder mines for you if you dare to say no, my little dominatrix.

AND WHEN HAVE I EVER REFUSED YOU???

So, to business. Seeing the trend in the entertainment field, Vector and I have decided to offer a tour of sorts. We’ll call it *Blackpool’s Dungeon Of Thrills*

I LIKE THIS ONE BEST

DO I HAVETA KILL THEM WHEN I'M THROUGH.. OR MAYBE WE CAN CHARGE THEM FOR THE HEALINGS.. AND I CAN PLAY WITH THEM AGAIN!! PLEASE!!

As you can imagine, I am in need of a *volunteer* to head up this program/tour.

OOOOO ME ME ME!!! PICK ME!!! I WANNA DO IT!!!!

You seem to be a perfect candidate.

YOU ALWAYS SAY THE SWEETEST THINGS

Here is the benefit package:

1. You will be allowed to continue to breathe

WHAT!!! NO FOREPLAY?

2. You will enjoy a stimulating work atmosphere

AROUND YOU EVERYTHING IS STIMULATING

3. A black leather uniform is standard attire

OOO ARE YOU GIVING ME A NEW ONE? SOMETHING IN TEAL THIS TIME...

4. Accessories are provided

THANKS.. I'M ALWAYS NEEDING NEW TOYS...

I’m sure you won’t need much convincing.

BUT I LIKE IT WHEN YOU TRY....ESPECIALLY ON YOUR KNEES... WITH ALL THAT EXPOSED SKIN...purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Consider it a little birthday present.

SO WHEN'S THE UNWRAPPING? HUMMMMM!!!!!

Oh, and TIGGER? Please stop sending those leather thingies to my P.O. Box. It’s getting rather embarrassing.

I'LL STOP SENDING THEM... WHEN YOU STOP LOOKING SO DAMN CUTE IN THEM.....SO WHICH ADDRESS SHOULD I USE?

THANKS FOR THE OFFER... WHY DONTCHA DELIVER MY NEW TOYS IN PERSON

TIGGER
WAITING PATIENTLY FOR THE KEYS TO THE NEW DUNGEON

From: Dirk Blackpool
Subject: Re: Birthday Greetings for TIGGER

Hi.

*straightens leathers* Ahem. Your enthusiasm is appreciated, TIGGER. I'll take this as a "yes" then.

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but my duties here mean you'll have to arrive before we can arrange your new leathers and toys. And no teal. I can't abide color around the castle. Basic black will be fine for us both. As far as the *unwrapping* you mentioned - we'll have to see, won't we? *winks*

Oh - send the leather thingies to a new location. After your many gifts have been piling up about the place, I had to rent some off-site storage. The address is listed below.

The Grox's Cavern
*Storage of All Types*
Caverns Of Chaos, Suite FOG1
Karteia, Aperans

And I do like the idea of charging for the healing and sending our visitors through for another go. (And another fee of five kolnas each.) What an entrepreneur you are! But, we'll discuss all this later in the dungeon as we go over what you'll need to do for the tour, hmm? I'm sure it'll be *fun* for us both.

Bye.

Prince Dirk Blackpool

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