Thrice-Told Tale #7

Dirk with Vector

by Rus Hall

During a lapse between evil schemes, Dirk and the conniving Vector were sharing a glass of wine and chit-chatting. The conversation was a bit one sided, Dirk did most of the talking about his childhood and Vector seemed lost in thought - no doubt thinking of a way to get his monocle back.

Vector was jolted back to reality when he realized that Dirk was waiting for an answer to some direct question. "What was that milord?"

Sighing, Dirk repeated himself, "I said, 'Have you ever had an affair with a woman?'"

Taken aback, Vector said, "Uh, why do you ask?"

"No reason in particular, I'm just bored and I thought I'd ask. But of course, you would never have had time for the fair sex with all your conjurings, eh."

Vector was a bit rankled by this and replied a bit peevishly, "I'll have you know, milord, that I have had two serious affairs. In fact I was engaged both times. This was, of course, before I started studying the black arts."

"Really!" Dirk was startled, "You! Engaged! Tell me more, wizard, tell me more."

"Not much to tell, really," he said.

"Well, what happened?" Dirk was quite interested.

"They died. Both of them." Vector said simply.

"Curious, tell me about the first."

Vector sat back and began, "Her name was Alyssa. She was the daughter of one of the local cattle barons in my town. Her family was quite rich. She had blond hair, blue eyes, and about as sharp as your brother."

"Oh dear, how did she die?"

"Poisoned mushrooms. As I said, she was not too bright."

"Aah" said Dirk, "You said you were engaged twice, tell me about the second one."

Vector thought back, "Her name was Municia. She was a rich merchant's daughter. She had raven black hair and a tongue like a serpent -- both ways. Oh, she was such the shrew. But, she dabbled in the black arts herself. Privately, of course. Which was probably why I stayed with her so long."

"How did she die?" Dirk pressed.

"Hmm? Oh, cracked skull." said the wizard, indifferently.

"Cracked skull? How?" Dirk exploded.

"She wouldn't eat the mushrooms. . ."

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