by Debbie the Vampire Slayer
Vector stood quietly at Dirk's door and watched him grimace and pace back and
forth, obviously deep in thought. Vector decided to let himself be known.
"Greetings, my lord." He didn't want to ask what was bothering him, since he
knew his royal highness couldn't keep his anger to himself; he rather enjoyed
the idea of "spreading his anger around" instead of the ever-popular opposite.
Vector was smirking to himself smugly at this thought and was interrupted by
"Those damn Listians ! I am sick to death of playing their bewitching little
games! I threw them a blasted party and I still do not have all of my monocle
pieces!! They do not know who they are dealing with here! I cannot be treated
this way, I will not allow it!" With this he slammed his fist down on his table.
When it did not split, he honored the table with one of his oh-so-famous dirty
looks of disgrace.
"Sire, you cannot be upset that not all of the Listians were able to attend
your party. It is only natural for them to question your motives or shall I say
not all of them fall for your obvious charms." The wizard regretted these words
as soon as they escaped his mouth but he could not resist.
Dirk let out a screech of fury at Vector's attempt to insult his charms. He
knew very well that he could charm each and every one of those pests of the
other world. Especially the few that seemed to just cling to him simply because
of his attire. He knew the wizard was simply jealous. "You infuriating wizard,
just because they do not fawn over you..."
"Well there was that one time they were ogling my hat and that can be so
tedious at times as a wizard, you know."
Dirk rolled his eyes and again threw his fist down on the table. "I cannot
take this anymore. We have to visit that other world and I have to get more of
MY monocle pieces and YOU have to get us there NOW or I will do something with
your precious hat that you will not like!!"
Vector realized Dirk's impatience and knew that his temper was erupting and
at any moment his hat would be snatched, so with that he said, "Yes m'lord, are
you ready at this moment?" in a much more humble yet shaky voice.
Dirk glared back at Vector, starting to calm down. "Yes, but which one do we
visit next.....Ah, I know, Debbie, the one who claims she is some sort of slayer
and has a history with Greystone. Maybe I could somehow arrange torturing her to
get the monocle piece and to lure Erik.....hmm this could be interesting......."
His eyes glazed over in a moment of fantasy.
"Ah, Debbie the slayer, she's the same one who didn't show up for your party.
However I don't think it would be wise to think of a hostage situation in order
to get Greystone. Remember, we don't want him to know of our little monocle
misplacement. And we really wouldn't want to harm her, in fact, m'lord you might
want to do quite the opposite. If you keep her under a spell she won't tell
Greystone of our misfortune with the pieces. Since she hasn't yet I'm led to
believe that her loyalties are undecided. I think this is a moment where you can
make a bargain."
"Vector you do have your moments. I normally would look for a spell but those
cursed Listian witches would probably run to her aid. I must somehow get her to
willingly give me my onocle piece and keep that vexing Greystone out of my hair
for a little while longer. Soon, we will have all the pieces and no one NO ONE
will get in my way! Including those Listians!!"
"Perfect idea, sire. You must strike a bargain with her. I did take the
liberty of glancing into the Listian world after your party to read-er search
that is, to see what their comments were regarding the event and us..."
"GET TO THE POINT WIZARD!!"
"Um, the reason why Debbie did not attend your party was that she was at a
job interview, as their world puts it. It seems she is looking for a job in the
field-I mean in her field, but in their world that means in their trade of
"Interesting. Tell me, do we have any kinspeople in this area of her world?
Someone in her trade perhaps?"
"Yes m'lord. Would you like to visit them first?"
"Yes. I have some favors to collect. Her trade is the law, another justice
hunter, or as she calls it 'slaying'. Lets go." With that Dirk and Vector
traveled into the other world.
Meanwhile, in San Diego:
Debbie was just arriving home from work, checking her messages on her
machine. Nothing yet from the firm she interviewed with, she thought. She knew
she had to find a new job in the legal field to pay those upcoming student loan
bills. Why did an education have to be so expensive? Plus she knew it didn't
help that she lived in such a high cost-of-living state. For a moment she got
homesick for upstate New York, the changing of the leaves, family, good Italian
cooking and not to mention the best pizza in the world. Oh well, she thought.
Life goes on. She decided to call one of her friends and lament on life. Her
friend was relaying his events of the day, when all of a sudden she heard noise
coming from her living room. She knew her roommate was at school ‘til 10 so she
started to get nervous. She quickly hung up the phone and went into the living
room, ready to practice her martial arts & slayer techniques. Upon cartwheeling
into her living room in full kick mode she found our villains, Dirk and Vector.
She nearly karate chopped Vectors head off before she realized who they were.
"Uh-hi" Debbie stammered out. She instantly irritated herself when she heard
how stupid she sounded. Some slayer.
Dirk put on his most charming smile and said "Ah, the fair lady Debbie, or is
"Either is fine." She thought she should stall them because she knew why they
were there but at the moment she was utterly speechless (which was a first for
her and her friends would be amazed at the possibility) at Dirks physical
presence. Men dressed in all black with leather just did something to a
girl....she blinked herself back to reality.
Dirk saw that his mere presence brought a spell-like glimmer over these
Listian twits. "I assume you know why we're here, and its not because of your
ex-childhood weakness. Why HE amused you is beyond me. But I see how you have
changed over the years and I'm sure those cohorts of yours in this world have
shown you the error of your ways. I am here to shall we say, gain your
interest." Vector just stood by smugly since he obviously knew Dirks plan.
"Oh please, don't let all that leather smell go to your head. Yes you have
aged well also but you could use an updated haircut ya know. That layered
feathered biz is like way old. And I do know exactly why you're here and you're
lucky I haven't called upon my old childhood crush (Erik)."
"Haircut? You feather-brained....." Vector tried to subtly cough to remind
him of his task at hand. It worked, Dirk went on. "As I was saying. I am here
for my monocle piece."
"Oh? You're not here to tell me all about your party? Why Dirk, it is so
unlike you to not rub something in someone's face. Did Erik show up? You can't
possibly be jealous at the thought of my spending my time with Erik and not at
your party?" Debbie smiled at the thought of Dirk being jealous, not at the
thought of how Erik hadn't aged as well as Dirk had. He didn't have to know
about that. Vector looked a little amused at Dirk's distaste.
"I will overlook that half-witted comment. Your fellow Listians enjoyed
themselves immensely, as did the both of us. You are the one who has suffered
the ache of not being present at my castle for such a grand event." With these
comments, Dirk shuffled around Debbie's apartment eyeing her black wrought iron
candle holders that he could have sworn used to belong in his castle a long time
ago but no that couldn't be, he thought to himself. Must be a coincidence. "I
have a bargain for you. One that will benefit you greatly." With this he finally
felt at ease enough to sit himself down upon the soft, comfortable, bed-like
object that he sunk so far down in that he almost didn't feel like he was in
charge of this meeting. Almost. However, he was far too confident (and
comfortable) to get back up.
"Okay Dirk, I give. What's the deal? Have you and Vector come up with some
magical skinny spell or a financial freedom gift?" Yep, she had to admit she was
Dirk and Vector both thought at the same time when Debbie mentioned the
skinny spell that Debbie was one bewildering creature of this world. In their
world she and those other women of the list were actually quite -- well,
desirable. Why they would wish to looked like starved undernourished peasant
people were beyond both of them. Another reason why he preferred his world and
was anxious to get back. They both also wondered why they hadn't thought of
spells to attract the people of the list with greed, vanity and other worldly
pleasures. Too late, he already had his plan for this one. His web was woven.
Dirk spoke up first, "No no no. This is a bargain that will benefit the both of
"Of course, you wouldn't have it any other way." Debbie spat.
"And of course I couldn't use conventional methods for you, dearest Debbie.
And I cannot have you running back to that sniveling Greystone. So this puts me
in a very tedious situation. I know of your present-how do you say it ? Oh yes,
'interview' you called it. Now what would you say if I told you that I can make
sure that you get you into your trade and out of the one you have presently that
makes you so unhappy. All without spells or witchcraft I might add." He looked
proud of himself even if he was unsure of what this trade business was all
about. Women do not belong in such positions, he thought. Women were meant to be
for the amusement and comfort of men. At least some of those Listians understood
that, thinking back to his April Fools romp-or two or ......
Debbie, deep in her own thought of Visa bills, student loans, and boredom
with being a customer service rep., finally spoke up. "You can guarantee that I
will get that job in return for my monocle piece?"
"Yes. I have already arranged this. All I have to do is give my command."
Vector smiled at how easy this was going. He started to browse through the
rest of the small confining area of her castle that she called an apartment. She
had collections from many worlds that interested him as well, it seemed she did
have more knowledge than he suspected. She had things from the land of Gotham,
Oz, Sunnydale, and even from distant galaxies like Galactica. Amazing. This
slayer girl surprised him, how she could have an Achilles heel for that
Greystone did not fit the picture at all. He went back to the room where she was
discussing the details of the bargain. Dirk would get the monocle and she would
get the job. She wouldn't tell Greystone. Simple.
"Let me get this straight. It's better pay, it's closer to where I live, and
it's in my field. All I do is give you my monocle piece and not tell Erik."
"That's right. Simple, easy, just hand it over before my social skills
disappear. I do have others to visit you know." Dirk was getting that impatient
look about him.
Debbie knew something was nagging at the back of her mind about accepting
this new job offer. She thought back to when they took her around the firm to
show her around. That was it! The computer! They still used WordPerfect, they
were in desperate need of updating their software and more than likely this
meant no e-mail!! And no e-mail meant, no list! That's why he was in such a
hurry to get out of here. "What about the list, Dirk?" The impatient "I'm about
to get my way" look quickly faded to an "I have dribbled my lunch down the front
of my armor" look, basically one of the irritated department.
"There are some sacrifices you have to make and if that's not hearing from
you on that list as often so be it. I can live with that. I'm sure you can too."
Dirk tried to casually blow it off. Vector thought, there goes the easy way.
Debbie knew she was in a spot now. She wanted this job but she enjoyed her
e-mail and all of her new friends on the list. She had e-mail at her friend
Joseph's house but with starting a new job who knows when she'd have time to go
over there and she couldn't have the list go there. She thought again of her
ever-piling-up bills. She had to do it. But she needed another incentive,
sacrificing daily contact with the Listians constituted another profit. She
thought for a moment.
"I want another party. If I have to give them up I want to see them all
together before I start the new job." Debbie thought, bravo, another party,
maybe I can get a date with Erik. My birthday is coming up anyway, maybe he'll
remember that. I would like to see if I still find him attractive. She also
heard a rumor that it was also Celine's last few days of the list, maybe it
wasn't too late for a double party.
Dirk thought it over. This would save him the trouble of finding the rest of
those monocle pieces and he could make sure the guards wouldn't fall for the
same tricks as before. Besides, her last day with those blasted Listians would
be Thursday so that would be too short notice for them to go to any party. He
wouldn't be held responsible for that.
"Agreed. You take the job, I get the monocle and Tuesday night we celebrate
my getting my monocle back." Dirk looked even happier than when he first thought
of the idea. Things were looking up. He'd have his monocle back in one piece
within one week. Vector was even relieved, trekking around to this other world
made him feel inferior to their modern day magic.
"Agreed." Debbie and Dirk shook upon their bargain. But instead of feeling
excited and hopeful on her new job, she felt saddened to leave her coworkers and
her List friends. She would have to make it a point to visit her friend Joseph
and his computer more often so she could drop by and visit. And maybe one of
these days she'd get a computer. Ha, it wasn't that much of a raise.
Dirk stood up, with some effort, his armor just seemed to sink into this bed
like thing. Once up and feeling more dignified Vector was the first one to break
"Oh, Lady Debbie, I hear it is your birthday this weekend, may it be a happy
one for you." He actually didn't sound sarcastic.
Dirk looked annoyed again, "Oh drat, that means I'll have to be doing my duty
in wishing you a happy birthday too. Well, I'll wait 'til then."
"Dirk, you know you enjoy dropping in on our list. Don't even try to deny
that. Anyways, begone the both of you. Our bargain has given me a headache. I'll
see you Tuesday night." Debbie did look like their negotiating had worn her out.
"Yes Vector, let's get out of this place, San Diego, I need the cold damp air
of our castle in our world. Lady Debbie, slayer, I shall see you Tuesday night.
I am quite sure I will not be disappointed. And may I wish you the best of luck
in your endeavors in your new job."
With that they were gone. Debbie went to her bedroom and started a draft on
how to tell her friends in the List of how she was leaving. She hoped she
wouldn't bore them to death with her rambling and bad grammar.
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