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1. The Unicorn of Death Episode Seven |
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GREYSTONE'S ODYSSEYThe Dungeon of DeathWritten by Judith D. Allison
Second draft - September 9, 1982 We have altered the original format for ease of reading. ACT TWO FADE IN: SCENE 6 A slim man, COLTER, dressed in blue, is seated on the ground against the trunk of a tree. His eyes are partially covered by his headgear. Across from him, working right outside the stable door, is a blacksmith, HOMER. There is a horse tied up to a post. Two scruffy-looking medieval bandit types, OGDEN and ARCHIE, are harassing him. He tries to ignore them. OGDEN C'mon, you got time to make a nice iron vest, don't you? ARCHIE Yeah, maybe put a few of those kolnas you got in your pouch there on it. Make it look real decorative. Right, Ogden? They both laugh and nudge Homer again. HOMER All right, Ogden, take your furry pal and get out of here. Got no time for your jokes. OGDEN Ah-h-h, c'mon, Homer, you got no time to laugh? A man needs to laugh. He pours the contents of his wine boda on the blacksmith's coals. A cloud of steam, smoke and soot flies into Homer's eyes. Archie and Ogden both laugh. Homer steps back and rubs his eyes. OGDEN Oh, good. I got your undivided attention. HOMER Whatever you want, I don't have. OGDEN But I bet with some persuasion, you could get it. He grabs a hot poker from the coals and holds the end up to Homer's face. OGDEN I need a horse. HOMER Don't have any. OGDEN What about that one? Ogden motions towards the horse that's tied up. HOMER He's not mine to sell. Belongs to that fella over there. Ogden lowers the poker. He swaggers over to the horse, Archie close at his heels. OGDEN This horse'll do fine. You like this horse, Archie? ARCHIE Yeah, Ogden. This horse is a real nice horse. I like it. OGDEN We'll take this one. He steps around to the front of the horse and begins to untie it. COLTER Don't touch the horse. OGDEN I ain't touching him, pal. I'm jabbing him in the side. He laughs. Archie laughs. ARCHIE Yeah, he's jabbing him in the side. Can I jab him, Ogden? OGDEN No, Archie. Only I get to jab him. You get to tickle him. Where's your blade? Ogden laughs. Archie laughs and draws out a dagger from his boot. COLTER I said . . . don't touch the horse. Archie and Ogden continue to laugh. Ogden slashes through a leather binding that holds a leather bad on the saddle. It falls to the ground. Colter flicks out a small triangular flintstone from his headgear and sends it flying through the air with lightning speed towards the men. It EXPLODES between them, sending them flying through the air. From behind Colter, we hear: JUSTIN (O.S.) Nice work, Colter. Colter wheels around to see Erik and Justin Greystone astride their horses. GREYSTONE I'm impressed. How would you like to use your talents against a real enemy? Colter cracks the thinnest of smiles. COLTER How much? JUSTIN 5,000 kolnas. GREYSTONE 5,000? COLTER Ten. JUSTIN Done. Pay him, Erik. GREYSTONE You'll explain this to the king. JUSTIN Trust me.
SCENE 7 Several carnival wagons line the fairway. On each wagon there is an act in progress, i.e. juggler tossing flaming torches, a bearded lady, smallest and tallest person, etc. A crowd is gathered in front of the "strongest man in the land's" wagon. A very large, muscular "strong-man," RUTGER, holds three people who are bound together over his head with one arm. He's using his other hand to eat a "hot dog"-type sandwich. The HAWKER on the edge of the wagon is trying to drum up business. HAWKER Step right up . . . who's gonna volunteer for Rutger's pyramid? Take a chance. Tell all your friends how you were top dog on Rutger's human pyramid. One thin delf. One tenth of a kolna and the thrill of a lifetime is yours. Tell your wife. Tell your friends. Tell your friend's wives. I don't care. Just put your money down and climb aboard. I work on commission, folks. Baby needs a new pair of shoes and I need some gambling money. Not necessarily in that order. Step right up. Greystone, Justin and Colter move through the crowd to the edge of the wagon. JUSTIN Hey, Rutger, how ya doin'? RUTGER Eh, Justin, you warthog. Where's my 100 kolnas and Wanda? JUSTIN That's just why I'm here, Rutger. I want to tell you all about it. But first, I'd like to introduce my brother, Erik. You remember me telling you about him, don't you? Erik nods to Rutger. RUTGER Is he the one who tells the truth all the time? JUSTIN Yeah . . . anyway, we've got this real heavy deal going. RUTGER Oh, yeah? Colter, you in on this? Colter nods. RUTGER Last time I saw you, about thirty of them torture troopers had you in a tough spot. COLTER They got hurt. RUTGER How? They had you pressed against that wall. COLTER The wall fell. GREYSTONE Listen, we need your help. As a loyal subject . . . RUTGER How much? JUSTIN 5,000 kolnas. GREYSTONE Here we go again. RUTGER Ten. Justin looks at Greystone.
Rutger tosses the three men into the crowd and stuffs the rest of the hot dog in his mouth. RUTGER I'm ready.
SCENE A8 Justin and Greystone are leading Colter and Rutger. JUSTIN We could sure use some poison-sniffing badgers. GREYSTONE What? JUSTIN These badgers can smell poison. You send 'em in ahead. If there's poison, they run out. GREYSTONE And where are we going to get them? JUSTIN Wait here. Justin crosses to a 15-year-old street ruffian named NEENJA. JUSTIN Hey, Neenja. Do you know where we can find some badgers? NEENJA Badgers? You don't need no stinking badgers. You need knives. He opens his coat to reveal fifty knives hanging from the inside lining. JUSTIN Okay. I'll take that pearl-handled job for my brother. Neenja hands it to him. NEENJA You owe me one. He disappears into the crowd. Justin crosses back to Erik and the others. JUSTIN No badgers, but I got you a nice knife. Greystone takes it. They look up.
SCENE 8 There are two or three spotlights (the spotlights are created with mirrors and torches) shining up into the dark sky that reveals a tightrope. A blonde, zoftig, Teutonic-type woman, TALIA, is traversing from one platform across the crowd to another. Everyone's eyes are fixed on the woman. GREYSTONE Boy, you'd never get me to try that. (beat) Unless I had to. JUSTIN I would if she'd just come down off that wire. GREYSTONE Come on, let's go. JUSTIN Hold it. We could use somebody like her. GREYSTONE A high wire expert? JUSTIN Right. To get across the bottomless pit. Maybe I ought to go talk to her. As he turns to leave, he suddenly reaches down into the crowd of spectators and grabs a very small man, "FLOYD THE FEATHER," by the scruff of the neck and yanks him up to face Greystone. JUSTIN Well, if it isn't Floyd. Say 'hi' to my brother, Erik, and . . . Justin shakes Floyd from side to side. A pouch falls out of his pants. Justin retrieves it in the air. JUSTIN . . . how about letting him have his pouch back? Justin hands Greystone his leather pouch and puts Floyd down. JUSTIN This fella here's our last recruit. FLOYD If you're trying to get me interested in one of your schemes, Justin, you ain't starting out on my good side. JUSTIN I'm disappointed in your attitude Floyd. I mean, here I am offering you an opportunity to broaden your horizons. FLOYD My horizons are just fine. GREYSTONE Perhaps you'd prefer some time in the prison dungeon? FLOYD You got a way with words. He takes out a large "cigar" and bites the tip off. FLOYD You got any fire for my stoker? Justin lights his cigar. FLOYD All right, what's the deal? JUSTIN We need you to help us get into a place that's only meant to get out of. GREYSTONE It's the old escape passage at Blackpool's castle. No one has ever tried to go through it from the outside before. FLOYD No problem. You ain't gonna get anybody more perfect for the job. I can fit into anything. You in on this, Colter? Colter nods. FLOYD I heard the Taldon gang was after you. COLTER They were. FLOYD They ever get you into the castle of theirs? COLTER Gone. FLOYD The Taldon gang or the castle? COLTER Both. Floyd reacts, then turns back to Greystone. FLOYD How much is this job payin'? GREYSTONE 10,000 kolnas. FLOYD You got a deal. (beat) I would have done it for five. Floyd extends his hand to Greystone and they shake. Greystone looks down into his hand. FLOYD I guess you might like your knife back, too, huh? Floyd laughs, when suddenly from above, Talia lands cat-like in the center of the group, face-to-face with Greystone. TALIA Where have you been all my life, darling? JUSTIN Hi. (with a sweeping introduction) This is Prince Erik Greystone, my brother. TALIA I can handle my own introductions. I am Talia. GREYSTONE I have a proposition for you, Talia. TALIA I certainly hope so. GREYSTONE I could use your talent. TALIA I'm sure . . . and I'd like to sample yours, as well. JUSTIN I'm Justin Greystone. I'm a prince, too. Talia ignores him. TALIA Keep talking. GREYSTONE I'm willing to pay you for your services. TALIA Of course you are. (beat) I charge 10,000 kolnas. GREYSTONE For what? TALIA Anything. GREYSTONE Are you sure you're worth it? JUSTIN Want my opinion? TALIA You will not be disappointed. GREYSTONE If I am, you will not be paid. TALIA Let's get started.
SCENE 9 Through a strange, greenish cloud of air, we see the crusted and crumbling walls of the chamber. Blackpool and VECTOR are strolling leisurely through the chamber, past all the assorted weapons and torture devices. Vector is adjusting cranks, ropes, chains, etc. on the machinery as they walk along. Vector walks over to a rack-like device. One of the soldiers captured with Marko is stretched, arms and legs backwards. Vector's "helper," BEETLE, is slapping the soldier's unconscious form. VECTOR You fool! Didn't I tell you to get information from him? He can't talk when he's unconscious. Do I have to do everything myself? Beetle cowers in Vector's presence. BEETLE I'm sorry, Master. He was weaker than I thought. VECTOR So are you. Vector stares at Beetle, who begins to choke. He clutches his throat, spins around in a circle and falls to the ground. BLACKPOOL It's difficult to find good help these days, isn't it, Vector? Vector scowls, and they continue walking. Beetle gets up, shakes himself off, and scurries along behind them. VECTOR An obvious case of pleasure gained through administering pain, m'Lord . . . BLACKPOOL Our energies are better spent on Greystone's fat friend. He has aroused my interest. Such an illustrious figure from the South, and so far away from home. VECTOR I'll get whatever information he has, Sire. Swiftly. BLACKPOOL Well, let's not be hasty, Vector. There things take time . . . (beat) . . . done properly. VECTOR Of course, Sire. Oh, Sire, I don't think you've seen my most recent creation. He crosses to a table and picks up a device resembling a crossbow. He hands it to Blackpool. Blackpool draws it up to a firing position. He looks through the sight.
SCENE 9A As seen through the sight.
SCENE 9B VECTOR You can fire it if you like, Sire. Blackpool turns slowly and aims the weapon at Vector. BLACKPOOL You make a lovely target, Wizard. He continues to point the weapon at Vector. Vector appears slightly agitated. He lowers the weapon and hands it towards Vector. BLACKPOOL But I wouldn't dream of firing it first, Vector. It's your creation, your toy. VECTOR Thank you, m'Lord. Perhaps later. I'm really not prepared to demonstrate its true potential. And we have that fool, Marko, to attend to. BLACKPOOL No, no, I insist. We have plenty of time. Marko's not going anywhere. (commanding) Fire it, Vector! Vector draws up the weapon slowly. BLACKPOOL Aim at that torch. Vector reluctantly readies the weapon. He draws it up to fire. Suddenly, it discharges "accidentally," releasing the bolt in a backwards direction. It narrowly misses Vector as it flies over his shoulder and imbeds itself into the wall behind him. VECTOR The fools. They've assembled it backwards. We could have been killed. BLACKPOOL Yes, we were both extremely lucky, weren't we? VECTOR I'll find the responsible parties, Sire. You can be sure. BLACKPOOL You shouldn't have to look far. They start to walk toward the end of the chamber. Marko and Man #1 are tied to posts, hands bound over their heads, side by side. Directly overhead is a platform with a large, steaming iron cauldron. Beetle scurries up the stairs and begins stirring the contents of the cauldron. BLACKPOOL Well, vassal, how are you enjoying our hospitality? MARKO Your room service could use a little help. Took over two hours for me to get a lousy order of barcolli. BLACKPOOL I'll speak to the staff. I hate to have anyone dissatisfied with our services. VECTOR I've mixed up a rather interesting brew to serve for tea this afternoon, Sire. I was hoping I might persuade our guests to join us. MARKO I wouldn't taste any of that garbage with your lips, pal. (grins to Vector) No offense. VECTOR None take, I'm sure. (to Beetle) Hand me a ladle for our thirsty friends. Beetle hands Vector a ladle with some iridescent, purple molten lava. VECTOR Which on of you gentlemen would like to be first. Marko and Man #1 stare slightly ahead. VECTOR I'm sure you're both just dying to explain what brings you to our neck of the woods. MARKO Go suck a rotten egg, dragon breath. Vector bristles. BLACKPOOL Such quaint terminology . . . and an astute observation. Your talents are obviously going to waste in the South. Perhaps Vector will be able to persuade you to switch your allegiance. MARKO Not on your worthless life. Vector smiles to himself. BLACKPOOL Get on with it, Vector. Vector pours a drop of the purple lava on the chains binding Man #1's feet. They disappear in a cloud of purple smoke. VECTOR Unfortunately, it works rather slowly, but I'm so fond of the color. He extends the ladle over Man #1's head. VECTOR Care to chat? Man #1 breaks down and babbles almost incoherently. MAN #1 I ain't got it . . . I don't know what it is even . . . don't kill me, mister . . . I don't know nothing . . . he knows . . . he's got it . . . It's some kinda list . . . in his belt . . . please. He slumps with exhaustion and fear. BLACKPOOL An admirable response. Information like that should not go unrewarded. Vector nods to Beetle. Beetle tips the cauldron and a huge river of purple lava comes pouring down on the Soldier's head, which turns into a cloud of purple smoke and dissipates, revealing the man's skeleton. BLACKPOOL Outstanding, Vector. VECTOR Thank you, m'Lord. Blackpool suddenly draws his dagger, slashes Marko's belt off cleanly from his tunic, and flicks it into his hand. BLACKPOOL Now, let's see what all the fuss is about. He unsnaps the back of the buckle and withdraws a folder piece of parchment. BLACKPOOL A coded list. He lashes out suddenly with his dagger to Marko's throat. BLACKPOOL Enough fun and games. What does this list say? MARKO Three jugs of milk, two sacks of flour . . . VECTOR You nitwit! (to Beetle) Now! Beetle, on Vector's orders, starts to tip the cauldron of purple molten lava. BLACKPOOL No! Wait! He jumps back just as the lava pours out of the cauldron and down towards Marko. FADE OUT.
END OF ACT TWO
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