Putting the "Romance" in "Necromancy": A Birthday Greeting in One Act
Interior shot of a mysterious chamber somewhere in Illinois (Galen's basement)
*We watch as GALEN BLACKPOOL slowly descends the stairs into a darkly lit, foggy chamber. He appears to be wearing a hat reminiscent of Vector's pearl-studded headgear. He untucks his head from chest as he stands in front of a bubbling kiddy pool. The mood is somewhat spoilt by the cheerful, brightly colored turtle decals plastered around the circumference of the blue plastic. Undaunted, he reaches into the volumous black silk striped bathrobe (decorated with a tastefully placed Playboy bunny logo) and brings out a large amulet. He holds it with his arms outstretched as he begins to speak.*
GALEN: Oh, great Amulet of the Cancelled Series. I, the Blackpool known as Galen, command of you life from the earth, blood to the water, voice of the wind. *Begins to chant in an ancient tongue*
GALEN: Restituo hic femina et vita voluptarius. (Loose translation: Restore this woman to life - one devoted to pleasure) *The pool behind him bubbles and froths violently.*
To this end, I sacrifice my rights to the Amulet of the Cancelled Series. *GALEN turns around and throws the amulet in the bubbling pool.*
GALEN: I now summon my personal assistant.
*Takes out a hand-held laser pointer from the pocket of his robe and shoots a red beam of "power" into the smoking pool. A scantily dressed blonde woman rises from the sudden depths - although "dressed" is a generous description of the skimpy lamé outfit that covers her vital points. With a toss of her head, she steps over the edge of the pool and slinks over to the tall man in her sights.*
BETHEL: I wasn't exactly dead, you know. But thanks. Nice hat. *nods towards him, a definite sardonic edge creeping into her sultry voice*
GALEN: Hat? I don't wear a hat. *sweeps off the headgear and stuffs it in his picket, regardless of whether the item in question was actually a hat, then smoothes his hair* Well, bringing sexy female TV and movie characters back from the dead is sort of a hobby of mine. And cancelled is about as good as dead. Though I do have a lot of well-worn videotapes that have kept your image in constant view.
BETHEL: *smirks at him* And why have you brought me to this realm, oh Great One?
GALEN: Hmm. You can call me Galen. I plan on us getting to know each other pretty well, so we may as well start out informally. I brought you here for a few reasons. I need a personal assistant to help me relax after work and writing my fanfics. Oh, and I'm planning on taking over the world. I have my own cult. Keeping all the members in line is a job in itself. Total lack of respect at times. I thought you could help with appropriate punishments using the monocle.
BETHEL: Monocle? *glances down* Sorry - the props department spell wasn't activated by your incantation. I don't have it with me. Thankfully the costume materialized.
GALEN: *runs his eyes over the barely clad form* Costume? Right. Oh, well. That's OK about the monocle.
BETHEL: There's something else. I can sense it. *concentrates, then looks very puzzled* Cake? Ice cream? What sort of twisted man are you? *frowns at him*
GALEN: *raises an eyebrow* I don't think you really want to me to answer that. But, no, I also brought you back since I wanted everyone to help celebrate my birthday today. I've got cake and ice cream and the rest of the guests are here. You were the only one I hadn't conjured back yet. Well, not officially.
BETHEL: *increasingly perplexed, but obviously intrigued* Guests? Your birthday?
GALEN: Yeah. There's Vaughn, Callisto, Nebula, Discord, and Natalie Lambert. They're upstairs. I've had to find a lot of Amulets of the Cancelled Series lately, though. But you can get 'em cheap if you know what to look for. Anyway, come with me. It'll be fun. *wiggles his eyebrows at her with great alacrity*
BETHEL: Fun, hmm? *fondles the lapel of his bathrobe suggestively* Well, it sounds like you'll be a more interesting man to ally with than Dirk.
GALEN: Oh, *way* more interesting. Just watch your step - I'm in the middle of renovating.
BETHEL: I see. *glances disparagingly at the kiddy pool* Don't suppose I could persuade you to add a Jacuzzi to your plans?
GALEN: I'm way ahead of you, Bethel - built that already. *winks in response to her satisfied smile* Come on. *takes her hand and they disappear up the stairs*
*In the basement, the smoke and fog subside and the kiddy pool can be seen more clearly. The turtle decals continue their happy march around the plastic, undisturbed by the sorcery. We hear the muffled sounds of Vaughn, Bethel, Callisto, Nebula, Discord, and Natalie Lambert singing "Happy Birthday, Dear Galen" in six part harmony. It ends with a lot of giggling, muffled splashing and Galen's happy sighs. The shot of the basement fades to black.*
CLICK IMAGE TO VIEW FULL-SIZE VERSION OF GALEN'S "PARTY PHOTO"
Greetings by Val; Photo Alteration by Anna M.C.