I had a little trouble
deciding what to get you
for your birthday.

My first thought, of course, was a

Tobler's Chocolate Orange.
But then I thought, why give you more ammunition?

My next thought was the ever-popular gift of

Leather pants.
But then I thought, well, it's pretty much a case of
shipping coals to Newcastle, you know?

Then I thought -- what gift could
combine the best of both worlds?
What one gift could encompass chocolate,
gratuitous abuse, leather, and the
unique thrill of unwrapping crinkly golden foil
to get at the delectably decadent treat beneath?

So, in recognition of your tireless work on behalf of the list, your boundless insanity, and your wonderful friendship,
I hereby present to you this one-of-a-kind award,
known henceforth as
"The Dirk-Scar"
(any resemblance to the Oscar being purely coincidental):

Take a second look at that attractive shiny coating.
No, it's not gold, or bronze, or platinum -- nothing so humdrum.  Go ahead, scratch at it.  I dare you.

Yes, that's right, it's foil.
And underneath the foil is  . . . the finest Swiss chocolate!
And under the chocolate is . . . well, not orange filling.
Go on, unwrap it a little more and take a bite.
Carefully . . .

Better peel and eat quickly.
I don't think he's very happy with the whole idea.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAL!!!!!